It’s Not About Bigotry. Honest!

Kelly Glossip and Dennis Engelhard

Missouri Highway Patrol trooper Cpl. Dennis Engelhard was killed on Christmas day in the line of duty.  He was struck by an out-of-control SUV on the side of the Interstate 44 while assisting at the scene of an accident.  Engelhard’s same-sex partner of nearly 15 years, Kelly Glossip, will receive Engelhard’s retirement benefits as a surviving spouse.

Wait, sorry, no – Missouri has enshrined DOMA as both a state law and an amendment to the state constitution.  Glossip and Engelhard were never permitted to marry.  Glossip won’t get any of the state benefits owed to the spouse of a fallen trooper.  Engelhard’s parents have given some financial help to their late son’s partner, but Glossip is worried about losing the house they owned together.

At this point, foes of equality like to jump in and say, “Aha!  Gay marriage is really just a scam to get benefits!  All they care about is money!”  Others might take a moment to acknowledge the tragic loss, but then ask, “What’s wrong with Glossip?  Can’t he support himself?’”

And when I hear that, I wonder, Don’t these ‘defenders of marriage’ understand marriage at all?

Marriage is about two individuals building a life together.  For 15 years, Engelhard and Glossip did just that.  Day by day, they built a world where they needed each other profoundly, both materially and emotionally, just as straights in a strong marriage need each other.  And Glossip is struggling now, just a straight person would struggle at the loss of a spouse.  That’s the nature of the relationship.

This is what our opponents don’t understand (and some absolutely refuse to understand):  Our bonds, our relationships, our lives – they’re not fundamentally different from theirs.  Of course Glossip is worried about losing their house.  He and Engelhard weren’t just roommates or buddies or BFFs.  They were long-term partners who established a life together.  Lord, what an awkward way to put it.  Try this:  They were married.  Even if the state didn’t recognize it.

Meanwhile, the news article has drawn a number of comments.  Most are recognizably human, but some…

Sick sick sick. Why would the troopers allow one of these sickos in the force anyway.  This is disgusting and now he wants money?

the killed patrol man should of made this person his benefactor in everyway he could. It was his responsiblity to provide not the other way around. If his job stated a legal marriage for retirement benefits for a spouse then he should of worked in some other field or acted in changing the requirements.

Reading that paragraph of brokeback drama made me want to puke. Is the “partner” uncapable of working and paying bills so he can keep his car and pay rent somewhere ? He makes it sound as if he’s just thown out into the streets now. C’mon, is this a joke ?

I watch this grown man with fake tears in his eyes trying to break the law and get death benifits illegally.

Ha Ha im glad he doesnt get any benifits gays are sick twisted people and any one who is gay should go to prison there should be a law to put gays behind bars no one likes them and they should be locked up for ever like child molesters.

Plus, gays should be happy with how much we tolerate them. If you were to live in another country and even THINK about being gay, you would be put to death!

You should not have the same rights as any spouse. You’re not a spouse. You’re just gay. You (men) make me sick.

And here’s a quote from NOM president Maggie Gallagher last September (NOM, you’ll recall, opposes any sort of domestic partnership recognition, even the right to claim the body of one’s partner from the morgue):

Here’s the truth: You will now be called a hater and a bigot merely for standing for marriage as one woman and one man. What do we make of this sad truth? So far, the bullies pay no price for their meanness and their rage.

You’re right about one thing, Maggie.  We do have rage.  But we do pay a price.  We pay a price for the bullies and meanness you represent, and we pay it everyday.  Ask Kelly Glossip.

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11 comments to It’s Not About Bigotry. Honest!

  • 1
    ChadSF says:

    This is a very sad story to read and a stark reality check as to why it is important for us to keep fighting for equality. I shudder at the thought that if something happens to me that my husband, then partner, will be left out in the cold. That is why it is important that DOMA gets overturned. I am glad to read that the Prop 8 trials appears to be in our favor, but I am not too confident about it once it gets to the Supreme Court. But one can hope, right? DOMA really needs to be overturned, Thanks George W Bush.
    I also try to steer away from anything that is going to make my blood boil (i.e. homophobic and hateful remarks) but it is part of the grim reality of this country that once you stand up for your rights and you don’t fit the “norm”, then the haters starts coming out of the wood work.
    Personally, I’ve been reading so much on Maggie “divorced” Gallagher and I’m sick and tired of her hateful words. If it quacks like a bigot duck, walks like a bigot duck, pretty much a bigot duck!

  • 2
    Tre says:

    Great catch here. Unfortunately, there are many of these horrific tales across the country. Thank you for bringing this into light. It’s really, really important.

  • 3
    kevtrsk says:

    Please feel free to share this with any religious institution or hypocrite that needs a little reality check.

    Doctors OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR studies and the animal kingdom as well…. over 500 specie of animal s, fowl and insects all display same sex homo erotic behavior. are they sinning? and if its about a book or religion You need to prove your god exist. We cant prove Zeus doesn’t exist.

    please put him on the witness stand… Religion is a choice.. Good luck with that sin business.
    … See More
    How shall we take care of the other species displaying same sex behavior?? shall we say to they are in sin? or a minority within there flocks displaying same sex behavior 40% with giraffes. are they in sin? get real. that argument doesn’t hold water.. the fall of man doesn’t hold water not for animals.

    Just because Some believe in talking shift changing spirits turning into serpents that talk, talking animals and magic fruit in some tree that caused a sudden change in awakening knowledge and that virgins can become pregnant. That makes knowledge the sin. you think that knowledge is sin?.. The fruit of the tree of knowledge was sin enough to be cast out of the garden of E?…

    Ryan… Religion has always been mans way to control the mass’s to discriminate… or harm or kill someone or something they didn’t understand or someone that was different and slap a because god says so label to it so they can sleep at night. rules are good for everyone. Religion is good for no one.

    human sacrifice animal sacrifice get real

    All in the name of god… Remember the witch hunts? middle age crusades? the puritans. the things that were done in the name of god? make me want to puke. Religion has no place in a modern world with exception to self soothing if it makes you feel good to have an imaginary friend, or talk to a dead person good for you… But to impose your ideas of good and bad to areas of life we do not choose (sexual orientation) which is like your hair or skin color. you did not pic it… you may be able to color it stain it bleach it or mark it. It always grow back the original color. So you can change the behavior but the desire is still the same that person is still gay or straight. if you think you can change the sexual orientation of a gay person. good luck.

    Here try this Lets try to change your sexual orientation see if that works for you. You and I know that it would never work. you desires will always be what they were to begin with its part of your wiring.

  • 4
    Regan DuCasse says:

    The second paragraph shows just how ignorant most people are of the vulnerability of gay couples BECAUSE they don’t have marriage equality.

    Wills, powers of attorney, all manner of precautions have been well known to fall short of each and every need for that couple and their children in a crisis.
    Not only do these documents fall short, but each state doesn’t have or cares to, the provisions to ENFORCE whatever precautionary steps gay people TRY to take.

    And, how cruel were these posts regarding the surviving partner.
    They raised a CHILD together. And likely the one partner relinquished his career to do so. Not having the pension, makes them vulnerable to state DEPENDENCY, which could be avoided with marriage.

    People really don’t think about that: the self reliance of the couple involved if they can marry.

    Well, I would have thought that everyone understood what marriage is and what it’s for and who it benefits.
    It benefits NOT JUST GAY COUPLES, but society at large as well.

    I’ve seen it with my own eyes just how fantastically ignorant people truly are, not just about current marriage rules and standards, but it’s history as well.
    And they make up WHOLE untruths about procreation and marriage in particular. As IF any state does or is right to discriminate against a citizen because ‘they don’t naturally procreate’.

    No wonder this isn’t settled and shouldn’t be by public vote with that kind of nonsense.

    My brother is the step/non biological father to four children and four grandchildren. His wife is many years his senior.

    And a gay friend of mine who is legally married in CA, just opened his beautiful home to a foster child.

    BTW, if Magger’s first child from another relationship isn’t related to her current husband, then she’s SERIOUSLY a hypocrite in her own life.

  • 5
    Amanda Wrigglesworth says:

    This is absolutely tragic. :-( That obvious but necessary comment aside, I must bring up the utterly fallacious reasoning of anyone putting forth the (abhorrent) statements mentioned – namely, that gay marriage is just a scam to get benefits, or that something must be wrong with his partner for not being completely financially independent. With minimal effort, these statements can be turned around to apply to heterosexual marriages as well. None of the proposers of those statements are trying to outlaw heterosexual marriage on those grounds, are they? I would think not. And why aren’t they? Well, they aren’t doing that for the simple reason that it is complete bollocks – hence the reasoning for providing those benefits in the first place. This is truly sad. :(

  • 6
    Diana Marie Davis says:

    @ChadSF – Your sentence seems to imply that George W. Bush passed DOMA. He did not. It was passed during the presidency of William Jefferson Clinton.

    As long as we are trying to keep Maggie and her ilk honest, we need to make sure we cross our T’s and dot our I’s.

    Or did you meant that Bush failed to overturn it?

  • 7

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Zack Carbon, FagHag Mom. FagHag Mom said: This breaks my heart, I am ashamed of my home state. "It’s Not About Bigotry. Honest!" […]

  • 8

    […] Brian, before you answer, you might want to review what happened to Kelly Glossip and Dennis Engelhard.  To Mark Goldberg and Ron Hanby.  To Shirley Tan and Jay Mercado (along with Maggie […]

  • 9

    […] on anti-gay bigotry. I’ve read it, experienced it, documented it and called it out, again and again and again. Homophobia, like racism, anti-Semitism, and a host of other toxic bigotries, is a […]

  • 10

    […] on anti-gay bigotry. I’ve read it, experienced it, documented it and called it out, again and again and again. Homophobia, like racism, anti-Semitism, and a host of other toxic bigotries, is a […]

  • 11

    […] Brian, before you answer, you might want to review what happened to Kelly Glossip and Dennis Engelhard.  To Mark Goldberg and Ron Hanby.  To Shirley Tan and Jay Mercado (along with Maggie […]

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