Masturbation is Satan's Plot to Silence the Church Forever

I found some more unintended hilarity. JoeMyGod points us to a new Christian political party:

As the Party of No Compromise, the New Independent Christian Party intends to influence the outcome of American elections and uphold the Godly principles by which America was built and by which Christians believe, live and exist.

I took a moment to look into the party founders and discovered this, written by  Bishop Janice Fountaine:

The practice of homosexuality and self-pleasure, are age old systems, being recharged and reorganized for end-time warfare. It is being orchestrated from the diabolical realms of the supernatural and manifested on earth, with the overall intention, to silence the church forever. These actions, by satan, is an all out declaration of victory, as the church finds itself caught off guard and intertwined in his evil end-time warafre, strategies and systems.

I imagine the enemy’s plan looks something like this:

Step 1:  Masturbate.

Step 2:  ???

Step 3:  Satan!

Just remember that when your thoughts stray down Gyllenhaal lane.

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