Ask Our Opponents This Question

I came across this comment on one of the NOM blogs:

Letting lesbians adopt and have children is horrible…Having homosexual male couples is even worse. They are always off and having sex with multiple partners rather than being the parent the child needs.

I’d like to ask this of all opponents of marriage equality who are such experts on what same-sex relationships are like:

How many times have you sat down to dinner with a same-sex couple in their own home?

Obviously, this won’t have much impact on the hopeless tool who wrote the comment above. But it’ll highlight his hopeless toolery to anyone else listening, especially if he gets all puffed up and sputtery.

This approach might be even more useful in less hostile environments, the kind where someone protests, “But I have lots of gay friends!”

See, in my field (instructional design), we focus on measurable (and hopefully quantifiable) results. “Friend” is too vague a term for that. Plus, you won’t get far demanding the names of these “friends” and evaluating the claim for yourself.

But the number of dinners eaten in the home of a same-sex couple? That’s data.

Addendum: And if they turn the question around and ask about our own dinner history with opposite-sexers, those  of us who spent a good chunk of our childhood in homes with two opposite-sex parents can truthfully answer: “Thousands of times.”

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6 comments to Ask Our Opponents This Question

  • 1
    clayton says:

    My husband and I live in a small town in the south.  We still have dinner with opposite sex couples all of the time.  We’re outnumbered!  We either socialize with the heterosexual majority, or we stay home alone.  Fortunately, we have many lovely friends, and a full social calendar.  It’s all very well and good to live in a gay mecca like NYC, and to have predominately gay friends and associates, but sometimes I think that openly gay people in small towns are doing the real work of getting mainstream Americans used to the idea of marriage equality.

  • 2
    Spunky says:

    I have never met someone who was against gay adoption who had actually seen gay parents raise a child. So apparently unbiased observation from decades of studies and personal observation on my part (my closest family friends are lesbians who raised a son) doesn’t mean as much as a baseless theory based on irrelevant data and lessons from people who have also never met gay families.

  • 3
    The_L says:

    This works with other stigmatized groups, too. I went to a very diverse high school–LGBT’s, atheists and agnostics, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Pagans, and the Christians I was already used to, were all in the same classes and had the same group of friends. (Sounds normal to a lot of people, but I’d been in only private Christian schools before this, so it really was a culture shock.) I got used to the idea that ALL of these groups are normal, healthy people–something that should be obvious, but is unfortunately obscured by the “culture wars.”

    Every time my dad says stupid things about Muslims, I’m always tempted to ask, “How many Muslims have you worked with? Gone to school with? How many Muslims have you eaten dinner with, or hung out with, or otherwise gotten to know as people?” But I know he won’t consider his answer–zero–as an indicator of ignorance. Some people simply refuse to listen when confronted with their own ignorance, or with evidence that contradicts what they already “know.”

  • 4
    Regan DuCasse says:

    These are the questions I ask them. And over and over again, they choose not to answer. Indeed, no matter how many times you answer THEIR rhetorical, insulting and stupid questions, they are treated with far more courtesy on these threads than those of us who support gay people.
    But it’s not hard to spot that their only experience with gay people is in the abstract. Or the tell being a stereotypical encounter of having a pass made at them. And considering the way in which the anti gay define what happens when a gay person merely looks at them, then that too is suspect.
    One way of defining their ignorance is this: If one needed to learn about Jews, being Jewish, especially living in a threatening environment like the Deep South, Holocaust Europe or Soviet Russia, who better to learn about Jews?
    A Jew? Or a non Jewish anti Semite?
    When I tell these people they are learning about gay people from the equivalent of someone in no way who could KNOW, then whatever they knew had no relevance or support by reality.
    No woman with children would appreciate being lectured to about childbirth from a man. Nor a black person raised under Jim Crow, from a white person who has never had to deal with overt racism.
    But the anti gay, lecture to the faces about being gay and what gay people are and do.
    In fact, Rob had an article a while back about homophobes constantly telling gay people what they are. I see that myself, and it enrages me and I have no patience for it.
    And, by the way, when I mention that I’m a black woman, wholly empathetic to gay people because I DO know what such prejudice feels like, every single time it’s the straight folks with even less experience with it who are willing to jump down my throat about how stupid or useless I am. Or a traitor.
    The parade of stupid never ends. But that’s a level of stupid and arrogant supremacist values I wonder if there is ANY limit to.

  • 5
    mike/ says:

    of course with a divorce rate of 50%+ one could say:

    Hetereosexuals are always off having sex with multiple partners or mistresses/gigolos rather than being the parent the child needs.

    just how many single-parent households have been reported in the new census?

  • 6
    Christopher Mongeau says:

    Maybe the media could follow suit, and stop interviewing anti-LGBT talking heads as if they are experts on all things LGBT.

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